maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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