The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
operation harelip BJ is a go
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
