i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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