Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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