im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
