Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
