yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
