Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
