he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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