It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Even my vagina gasped.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
