thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
