Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
