It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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