Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
