I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
