His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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