Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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