Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
