if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
