I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
