We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
