She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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