I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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