Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
