This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
