If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
