I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
