I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
