i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize