I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
