I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
