I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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