There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
