Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize