Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
