Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
