Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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