Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
