"it" just moved
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
