i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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