so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
