Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
