Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
