He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize