Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
