Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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