you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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