yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
