my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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