it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
