If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just pee around me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
