The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
