I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just pee around me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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