$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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