I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are we still banned from the library?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
