Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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