you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
