wat bout pragnant strippers??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
