u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
