So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
