i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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