I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
