So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
