Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
