So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
