I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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