I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize