Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
