Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
