lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
