Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You pole danced in your parka.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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