cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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