so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
