he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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