Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
